The National Enquirer’s cover story this week is “Angelina Jolie’s Suicide Attempt” but please don’t be fooled. Through the course of a dozen sentences, the Enquirer reveals that Angelina’s “suicide attempt” was basically ordering Brad to come home when he was away for a few days. She didn’t even say “I’m going to kill myself” according to the Enquirer, so I fail to see how this was even a “cry for help”. Unless Angelina is so friggin’ powerful that she only thinks the word “suicide” and magically, a baby dove flies in with a bottle of sleeping pills. I swear, I’m not trying to make light of genuine suicide attempts – I’m only pointing out that the Enquirer’s ridiculous cover and story is the real mockery of a serious topic.
After falling into a deep depression, Angelina Jolie attempted suicide!
And now Brad Pitt has sprung into action to make sure the mother of his children doesn’t try taking her life again, sources tell The ENQUIRER.
The sultry brunette beauty confessed to Brad that she was afraid her suicidal tendencies would return after learning that he’d made plans to move out on his own, according to insiders.
But the big-screen hunk assured her the separation would be temporary, and their love would survive the split, sources say.
“Brad was in France checking on their chateau recently, and Angelina was in Los Angeles with the kids when she called him in a panic,” a friend divulged.
“She told him, ‘When you’re not around, I get these terrible feelings. I got the same feelings when I was younger, and that’s when I tried to kill myself.’
“Angelina said, ‘I feel lost without you – like I’m being abandoned.'”
But Brad, 46, immediately reassured the high-strung Angelina that he wasn’t leaving her for good, even though he’ll be living apart from her and their six children while they work on separate movie projects, the friend revealed.
“Brad quickly calmed Angelina down.
“I’ll always be there for you and the kids. I promise.'”
Angelina’s cry for help stunned those close to her, especially Brad.
For THE FULL STORY with all the details of Angie’s suicidal tendencies, her “dark passenger” and why she’s so desperate to maintain her sanity in the wake of mounting genealogical fear = Pick up the new ENQUIRER on sale now!
[From The National Enquirer]
“Mounting genealogical fear”? Err… what? Are they referring to Angelina’s fears that she’s get ovarian cancer like her mom (in which case, she simply start getting screened right now, which would be a far more interesting and educational story), or are they making some weird reference to Angelina trying to get pregnant again? Like, Angelina has a “mounting genealogical fear” that she won’t be able to get pregnant again? I swear, even though the Enquirer gets it right sometimes, there are other times when I think the writers are just doing stories based on Mad Libs.
Oh, and one more piece of Jolie news: she was named by the Guiness Book of World Records as the “most powerful actress” of the decade. Johnny Depp was named the most powerful actor. I can’t wait to see the two “most powerful” actors nail each other in a shower.
Enquirer image courtesy of Enquirer online.
